You’re engaged??!!
You were supposed to have a commitment problem!! — Sex and the City
Ok .. so that’s my guilty pleasure .. the one time a week my TV comes on.
So maybe the only thing I have in common with Carrie Bradshaw is being neurotic, but I would be as freaked out if an ex decided to take the plunge … also think I would feel better if he got together with some random floozy, rather than someone I could respect. Because that way I’ll just think I had bad judgment, not that I wasn’t good enough.
Aargghh … don’t know why it matters. I don’t even like him very much any more. Though I’m still trying to do the friend thing. Don’t think it’s working. But he cried when I told him I didn’t want to. Don’t know why. Didn’t ask. Just couldn’t see him cry. Don’t know why. Since I don’t really like him that much any more.
Really.
Links:
Does the “being-friends” thing work with ex-es??? It never has for me. Once you see a person in a particular way, how do you go back to a previous state?
Comment by Anonymous — August 25, 2005 @ 11:50 pm
Hasn’t worked too well … but I think it’s more because there’s too much bitterness and anger after it ends. The only ex it has worked with is when we weren’t that close to start with … we both knew the relationship was clearly a fling, and once it ran its course, I ended up with a new friend …
Comment by Administrator — August 26, 2005 @ 4:09 am
In my humble experience, a break-up due to personality differences will almost always be acrimonious. The only cases where exes go on to become friends are those where circumstances/physical distance are a problem.
Sexual jealousy is a very powerful force, however much we may try to overcome it. So its okay to be upset the first time an ex gets engaged/married. A couple more times and you get used to it.
Comment by He who shall not be flamed — August 28, 2005 @ 9:52 am
As the expert on acrimonious break-ups, I will unreservedly bow to your august opinion
Also, welcome back …. and also, don’t you sleep??!!!
Comment by Administrator — August 28, 2005 @ 3:32 pm
HWSNBF: I don’t agree - I think the key to staying friends with an ex is that the break up itself be entirely mutual - that could be because of physical distance / circumstances but it could also be because of personality differences. The key is just that you both agree at the same time and without too much acrimony that the relationship is a mistake. The reason staying friends with an ex is hard is because it’s usually one or the other person who makes the first move / decides to break it off - and that’s a fact you just never get over.
MR: For what it’s worth, I think you have more than just being neurotic in common with what’s-her-name. There’s also the compulsive shopping, the really bad taste in shoes, the penchant for seemingly perfect men who turn out to be commitment phobes…
Comment by Gargravarr — August 29, 2005 @ 12:59 pm
Gargravarr - I’m glad you think he’s ’seemingly perfect’, but hands off!!!
Agree on the first point though, I think in retrospect, both people will realise it was a mistake, and a lot of the bitterness dissipates by that point, but initially, there’s no getting away from it, however mature you may try to be …
Also, a combination of personality differences and physical distance works best, right
Comment by Administrator — August 29, 2005 @ 4:50 pm
most depressing…losing a best friend is almost (almost) reason enuff 2 not break up then
…y cant i know any normal ppl!?!?!?
Comment by clueless — August 30, 2005 @ 5:07 pm
I know what you mean, but on balance, don’t really agree. If one were to continue with the relationship, one would be reminded over and over again about the compromises that were being made, which would result in bitterness anyway … so it’s best to break up, try and be friends, and look for love where it’ll truly make you happy. And I know (I’m talking about myself, and I know you agree with me), it wouldn’t have been worth it to make the compromises I would have needed to, to make a relationship with the man talked about above work. So it’s a loss for sure, I’m not happy about it, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Comment by Administrator — August 30, 2005 @ 5:55 pm
Most enjoyable exchange. But if you like each other enough, have always been honest with each other & like each other despite realising girlfriend-boyfriend equation (which gives rise to expectations of a different kind) cannot exist, it is possible to stay friends. Ofcourse insecure next significant other notwithstanding.
But most delightful exchange above!
Comment by Itineranting — August 31, 2005 @ 4:45 am
Thanks .. we aim to please
Also, my string of dysfunctional relationships are a source of entertainment to more than one person …
But yeah, hope you’re right … am working on it!!
Comment by Administrator — August 31, 2005 @ 4:02 pm