Commitment … 3 years at a time
Came across this hilarious article in the Nytimes, about how people stay away from buying real estate because they have deeper issues with making a commitment (and I always thought it was the obscenely high prices …)
Well, having gone through this process myself a few months ago, I realise that this link between committing to a house and commiting to a relationship (based on experience and a solid NPV model) is tenuous at best and a self-created smoke-screen at worst. I approached the issue from the other side, realising that I was fast turning into a ‘toxic bachelorette’ (term coined by one Smugly Married Person). Having been conditioned into thinking that was a Bad Thing, I figured I should get over my fear of commitment by getting myself to commit to a place to stay (would be a big deal - have averaged 7 months in an apt over the last 3 years), before actually getting into a relationship that had any hope of going anywhere (more on that another time - know I’m going to get comments of the sort, why does it have go anywhere etc., but what the hell … pls to refer to depreciating asset post)
Anyway, so here’s why the link doesn’t work …
- It reminds me why I hate commitment. Over the past few weeks, I’ve considered moving to NY, and to Malaysia (don’t ask). Not that I would necessarily have followed through on either of those anyway, but being reminded that there might be something better out there, and I can’t get up and explore it makes home and hearth seem more like ball and chain.
- It’s not really a commitment. Based on my trusty NPV model, I need 3.5% appreciation in value for 3 years before I break-even on selling. I don’t think 3 years is the timeframe my mom has in mind when she says I should ’settle down’. And of course, assumptions can be convenienly tweaked to bring that break-even period down even further.
- I’m constantly looking for my ‘out’. I just surfed through rental listings on craigslist (yes, that’s what I surf craigslist for), to see what I could expect to rent my place for if I had to leave right away. I think if I were married, I’d have a divorce lawyer’s number on speed dial.
Btw, the article makes an interesting point about how single women are scared about buying 1-BR condos because it implies that they are resigned to staying single forever. To that, I say - 3 years, sister…
And as for me, I’m clearly resigned … though in a good way 
Links:
Some one suggested i keep a dog as a pet in order to get a flavor of what committment means. In addition to that there’s the signalling value “He has a dog, so he must be stable”. A similar argument could be made for people who own a house?
Comment by Looks like a Geek God — August 3, 2005 @ 5:09 am
Poor dog …
I think you’re right about the signalling value, but the issue is that if you appear to be stable, you’d attract the ‘wrong’ kind of people
Comment by Administrator — August 3, 2005 @ 5:15 am
A few more reasons why the commitment isn’t comparable:
a) You need to have a house anyway - so if you’re not buying one, you’re renting, which in NPV terms may cost you the same. On the other hand, you could happily do without relationships entirely.
2) There isn’t much uncertainty with a house is there? I mean, you know how much it’s going to cost you and you can see what you’re getting. And even appreciation in value is reasonably predictable. It’s not like you can buy a house and find out a week later that it’s a total jerk.
3) There’s just way more control - you can paint your house any colour you like, decorate it however you want, break down a wall or two if you feel like it; you never have to meet the builder and seek their approval by telling them what a fine apartment they have, you don’t have to worry that the house may be seeing other tenants, the house won’t take over the remote and force you to watch baseball.
No, no, real commitment is when they move you into a home, not when you do it yourself.
Comment by Gargravarr — August 3, 2005 @ 12:49 pm
For the rest of the discussion, go here.
Comment by Administrator — August 4, 2005 @ 10:48 pm
Averaged 7 months in an apartment?
It took me three YEARS to move out of the crummiest apartment I have ever lived in.
After that, who needs pop-psych?
J.A.P.
Comment by J. Alfred Prufrock — August 5, 2005 @ 4:38 pm
Well, to be fair, one of them was temporary/corporate housing, and another was a place I subleased for 3 months before I decided to buy in that area… but having said that, I’ve never stayed beyond a 1-yr lease, and I’ve broken leases twice …
Plus, you’re married, I’m not - maybe the article does make some sense after all
Comment by Administrator — August 6, 2005 @ 7:09 pm
I understand that doubts still occur even if you have already entered in a relationship including marriage. That’s why choosing your partner in life is a crucial decision to make. But what is important is that when you have already made the decision, you must also do your part in maintaining your relationship with your partner just as he/she will do his/hers. Marriage always needs a constant renewal and restrengthening of your love. If you are both sincere to each other, then your marriage is sure to last.
Comment by andrea — September 28, 2005 @ 12:09 pm