A meditative rose

Overheard on Armitage and Cleveland:
Trixie on cellphone - (high pitched squeal) “She’s so excited to meet you. She was like - (even higher-pitched squeal) ‘I’m so excited to meet them’ ”

An incinerate button would really be nice.

Just missed seeing the last performance of this play because I procrastinated a little too much.

Am extremely pained … let this be a lesson to you all.

Also, lost opportunity to hit on guy who:
- Was intending to watch Kafka play alone standing (sold out show) on a Saturday night
- Was SUPER hot
- Didn’t look psycho
- Was standing 6 inches away from me

Why, Why, Why???????!!!!!! Should I blame it on social and cultural conditioning???

I think I might have just lost the love of my life.

Did I mention I’m extremely pained???

Will go wallow.

Why does it happen that I get a brainwave and a 76% R² at 4:30 on a Friday afternoon. Then I get all excited and want to keep working longer …
Oh my god … I’m not just a geek, I’m a closet workaholic!!!

Maybe my boss has a secret deal with the brainwave Gods to keep me working late …

But, I am excited

Brilliant

Somehow my male friends don’t seem to agree with the depreciating asset argument that tremendously increases the urgency for women to get married/lock into relationships as opposed to men. I think it’s basically because women are just smarter than men. Women are typically attracted to men with money and power (ability to provide), and these would increase with age. Men, on the other hand, are typically attracted to women for their looks and youth (child-bearing ability). So clearly, women become depreciating assets in this market while men keep appreciating. The interesting thing is that men are willing to lock into a depreciating asset, without realising that they should try and invest in one that also has characteristics that would maintain or increase value.

The counter-argument to this is that this might hold for the market in general, but if you are a woman who brings to the table more than child-bearing ability, you would want to be with someone who appreciates those other qualities. But again, since women are smarter, the longer you wait, the more men able to value this would have been taken out of circulation … so, as a woman, if all you want to do is bear and raise children, you lose value with age, and if you want to find a man who appreciates you for more reasons than that, you had better snag him before someone else does.

The real danger though is to realise that this difficulty shouldn’t lead one to compromise for the sake of getting a commitment, any commitment. And it is tough to counter the social pressure that tells you to do so - a ‘friend’ recently told me that I wasn’t being realistic … looking for someone smart and interesting … so picky!!! … but hey, I am realistic about the fact that I might not find someone who meets my criteria .. I still don’t think it’s worth relaxing them.

Went with a bunch of friends to see Annie Hall in Grant Park … while everyone liked the movie and thought it was funny (I think), noone seemed to relate to it and love it like I do - to think it was real life, only funnier… do I know too many neurotic New Yorkers (or almost-New Yorkers), who love intellecual masturbation and can’t handle relationships??

Note: Anhedonia was the working title of the film, and means a clinical condition where you don’t get joy from normaly pleasurable events. Wonder what it’s called when someone doesn’t see the value in joy…

What, you say!! Two posts in one day!!! Has to be the laptop …

No, this is just too hilarious not to be shared right away, plus input may be valuable … So, as most of you may have known or guessed, my parents have been trying, rather unsuccessfully, to put me on the marriage market (btw, if anyone knows how to get them to give up on me, will save me a lot of pain and them a lot of time, so will be eternally grateful). So after months of finding excuses not to interact with these people , I finally caved in and agreed to speak to doctor boy conveniently located in Chicago. Thought a free dinner couldn’t hurt, plus this way I don’t have to handle the kataoing process, my parents can take care of it (would be so nice if they could break up with every man I’ve dated instead of me having to do it myself). So anyway, I take the call. In the first 30 seconds, I had to remind myself not to dismiss the guy because he just said ‘hech’ and ‘jeero’ … as someone pointed out a few days ago - the only acceptable form of snobbery is intellectual snobbery … so I decided to wait a bit to let the snobbery kick in. Thankfully, the man didn’t disappoint me - he started by extolling the many virtues of Chicago - so many Indian restaurants, Indian movie theaters, so many temples … restaurants I buy, but I’ve kind of skipped the last two (also thought I shouldn’t mention that I’d probably not be allowed in a temple because I eat way too much beef). The other virtue of Chicago was also stated to be the opportunity to enjoy ’suburban life’ - where the obvious comment would have been that that’s an oxymoron, but I resisted making it because I’d then have to explain what an oxymoron was. So, on being told that I was actually more interested in reading and the theater, man goes on to acknowledge the existence of ‘American Drama’ in Chicago!!!!!! Well, granted that the theater scene here isn’t always perfect, and I can create drama over it (ref recent post on obscene Dollhouse adaptation) … this was a little too much to take. Another major qualification this person brought to the table was the fact that he had ‘well-settled’ family in New Jersey - now, given that I’m losing my place to crash in Manhattan in a few months, a replacement would have been attractive, but New Jersey just doesn’t work - that too with sundry relatives thrown in… What I don’t get is, how after a 20 minute conversation, where there was obviously nothing in common, nothing to talk about, and where my only contribution was to make monosyllabic responses, the man had the gall to suggest we meet up!!! So, since I don’t really know how these things work, I’m ashamed to admit I agreed to do so, and date has been set for Wednesday after work (just coffee - I’m not even getting a free dinner out of this ). So I’ve been trying to decide how to salvage some value out of this whole experience (I don’t think a $3 coffee will do it - though I guess I could get a brownie as well) … please to give suggestions on how to maximize amusement value. Possibilities:
- Actually pretend to be homely, fair, convent-educated sweet girl (the last two I technically am, and no - I am NOT homely). Could be fun - I’ll see if I can actually pull off enough soundbites about going to temples religiously (i.e. not just for prasad), and making the perfect aloo mutter … a challenge is always fun.
- When man asks me about cooking experience (which I’m sure he will), ask him about sexual experience, saying I’m concerned about being with someone who can’t keep up with me (have to confess this idea is stolen from friend who actually got asked the question)
- Be totally honest and discuss views on marriage as social contract, and with reduction of the need for external validation (which I’m actively working on), how the value of marriage would go down, and how the only reason I would consider getting married is because I think I’m a depreciating asset, and men are stupid enough to lock into a depreciating asset .. reaction might be amusing …

Anyway, at the least, I’ll miss rush hour traffic on the way back from work - just hope I don’t lose my parking spot …

Just thought you’d all want to know (hey .. you’re reading this, right …) that this post is being typed on a brand new, guaranteed not to be obsolete for another two months, ultra-light, ultra-bright, in short - ultra-cool laptop. Needless to say, am beaucoup excited - now I know what a new parent must feel like … checking progress to see exactly when it’ll be delivered, rushing home when the time finally came, expectantly watching it emerge from its cocoon (ok - pulling it out of a cardboard box), going through a time-consuming, gut-wrenching set-up to make it worth something - not knowing whether it’s going to be temperamental and make your efforts go to waste, and finally watching with pride as it boots up and lets you go online …

Though I’m still not convinced being able to surf sitting on the couch is worth the money put down on this (there’s so much other stuff I don’t need at all that I could buy), I have a list of new toys that’ll make sure all the other laptops think it’s cool enough to play with … for now. And since it doesn’t look like I’m ever going to register for a kid or a marriage, thought I’d use this addition to my family as an excuse to solicit early birthday gifts:
- Airport Express - because it’s just so cool. If I have the ability to print wirelessly, maybe I’ll start printing after all
- Stereo - because I need to have something to connect the Airport to, apart from the printer I’ll never use
- Backpack to carry my laptop - necessity to go with my active lifestyle - how else do I carry this from the couch to the bed??
- Optical mouse and other such stuff - Don’t really know what they do, but am told these are ‘notebook essentials’, so will take Dell’s word for it

Yayy

I came across a very inadequate (i.e. not scathing enough) review of an adaptation of Ibsen’s Dollhouse I saw a few weeks ago. Since this clearly doesn’t bring to justice the travesty to Ibsen’s work, I felt morally obliged to put some things straight, even though only to my small, but faithful (I love you all ) audience. My initial reaction was to go find the playwright, strangle her, profusely apologize to the friends I had dragged there with me, and go rant to anyone who would listen (and some who wouldn’t).

Why the strong reaction, you ask? Well, let’s skip the inane portrayal of Nora, complete with bunny hops (he said squirrel, not rabbit, you imbecile), the way too obvious plugs of the innumerable local sponsors, and the too cheesy references to Chicago events, locations, snobbishness. The ultimate travesty, that the idiot reviewer calls an ‘intriguing epilogue’ - NORA CAME BACK!!!

Now you know why I’m pained. Essentially, this ending makes their situation no different from most provider/housewife marriages we see around us. The little contrast is just that most women know what they’re in for up front and accept it as the price to pay for financial support, security, etc., while here, Nora just took a while to figure it out and it hit her pretty bad.

So since I can’t realistically go murder the playwright (if bad writing was a crime, there would be many more on that hit list), I tried to figure out whether she could have had a deeper, ‘intriguing’ reason for having Nora come back (if you need facts - she slammed the door, Terry (Helmer) sat looking on the couch looking very despondent, then she came back 90 seconds later and said something to the effect - I’ll stay if you say sorry, and thank you for saving your life).

Anyway, so why would she come back, and what would their lives be like after that?

- The first argument, giving the most credit to Nora, is that her realising her inadequacies and weaknesses is ‘education’ enough. Once she knows what she needs to do to become a human being in her own right, she can go ahead and act on it while living with Helmer. In this scenario, leaving wouldn’t serve any purpose, except hurting herself and the children further. So, by staying on, she does what is best for herself, and Helmer has to accept the changed power equation since she isn’t necessarily staying on because she has to, but because she wants to. And she can change her mind when she feels that’s what would be advantageous. This would in fact tilt the power equation the other way, since Helmer has shown he needs her to preserve appearances in society, while Nora is comfortable making decisions that are best for herself, irrespective of society’s views on them.
- The second, and far more realistic argument, is that Nora realises they’re both in the same boat, and need each other equally, and for similar reasons. Nora needs him for financial support and social acceptance, and Helmer needs her for social acceptance and housekeeping. This would be a pretty rational decision, where Nora would have realised that she didn’t have the education, college degrees, etc. to make a decent living, and it was far better to be transactional about the marriage and get what she needed while giving Helmer what he did. This, I think, is the premise of most marriages I have seen.
- The third argument, most damaging to Nora, is that she walks out, thinks - Who am I kidding, I can’t handle this. Sure, Helmer has treated me like a plaything, but it’s true, that’s what I am, so why don’t I accept it and just go back. I think this is very unlikely though, because I believe one is not born a helpless idiot, and once one realises it, there is no way one can be willing to not change it. If this did happen though, it would bring things back to the way they were, but with an undercurrent of bitterness and tension. The marriage would probably still continue, unless Helmer lost interest in her and decided to trade her in.

So this is my justification for sparing the playwright’s life - though somehow I doubt she thought this through too much…

So several readers seem to think that my putting up my geek code unequivocally confirms that I am a true-blue geek. Why would you think that … just because I saw all the Star Wars movies in one night (without falling asleep), and I’d rather talk in equations than sentences, and I insist on sending emails in bullet points??? No no - that just means I’m efficient (btw, that’s also the reason I speak fast … now you know).

So in the spirit of efficiency, I’m clearly not a geek because:

- First and foremost, I do not own any polyester pants. Or for that matter, any article of clothing made of polyester … which is quite an accomplishment, given the size of my wardrobe
- I do not know what a pocket protector is.
- I am extremely proud of the fact that I added the geek code through tweaking actual html script. If I were a true geek, I wouldn’t be proud of it, I would take it for granted. Also, it would be beneath me to google to figure out how to tweak script - so I’d rather leverage existing knowledge than create new knowledge for it’s own sake. Which reminds me, if anyone knows how to add an image to this blog, pls to let me know. I shall be eternally grateful. Or maybe buy you a Star Wars t-shirt. In polyester.
- I’d buy a mac because it looks cool, not because it has a more sophisticated OS … or something like that I’ve heard geeks say
- I can fake social skills … sometimes … ok ok … occasionally.
- I can see the value in faking social skills … sometimes … ok … rarely

Hmm … so I ran out of reasons pretty quick … but it is 4 am - so I’m excused. Some people may suggest I’m just not a computer geek, but am a business/excel/powerpoint geek (with surprisingly good taste in clothes) …. but hey, it’s not like I’ve discussed valuation models on a date. Or discussed cool excel spreadsheets as part of pillow talk … oh, wait ….

PS: As you can see, I have now managed to add the image. Now if only I knew how to shrink it …
PPS: As you can now see, I managed that as well … now if only I could change the time zone
PPPS: So what do we need geeks for again?